Hey friends…
I’m on a path of recovery from COVID-19 after being diagnosed about a week or so ago. As of this writing, we still don’t know much about what it is. Thankfully, I’ve not (and will not) reach a level to where I’ve had to be intubated or hospitalized. Even so, it’s been a challenge to say the least. Fever, chills, clammy skin, aches and overall weakness are all symptoms that read on paper like the classic flu. Except that it doesn’t feel at all like the flu. It just feels different. As long as I don’t do too much, the shortness of breath is not a problem. Per my doctor’s instructions, I remain quarantined in my room as of this writing. To say that my beautiful wife has been amazing would be an understatement. Aside from caring for me, she’s had to juggle so much.
My heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones and income over this. We’ve lived through both and each is indeed a dark night of the soul. If that’s you, my heart bleeds for you this very moment and for those who are fighting this now. I love you and pray for you every day.
We decided to tell very few people about this. For starters, it came on very quickly. From there it went to feeling like a wet rag being constantly wrung to the point of ripping.
It’s been a massive adjustment. It’s torturous to not be able to sit in the same room with my girls because I’m in quarantine. My daughter came close to tears because she couldn’t hug me so she put on a mask and told me about her day from the bedroom door for a few short minutes. I would have done anything to hug her.
The adjustment has also been beautiful. Prior to the stay-at-home order, our daughter had fallen into the busy schedule that naturally befalls most her age. But during my time in quarantine, I had to fight hard to hold back the tears of joy when night after night, a new tradition emerged between mother and daughter brought about by the beautiful sound of shuffling cards. I’ve never played gin. I’m not a cards guy. Now, the sound of shuffling cards brings a smile to my face. Our neighbors and our church staff and friends have been so incredibly supportive in their constant prayers for us and offers for help.
One thing is certain. There is a new normal. And by that, I do not mean that we should readily accept this. It means that as a society, we’ve been exposed. And by that I mean that we are now being forced to look inward instead of keeping busy all of the time. That includes me. My mind has to be filled with stimuli in some form or another. All of that came to a grinding halt when I was diagnosed so I’ve been forced to sit still.
As a nation and a people, we were not ready for this. Every distraction or idol that exists in our lives has been removed. Every answer to fear and every pretend filler of the hole in our hearts has been slapped out of our hands. We can’t buy the latest gadget to fill it. We can’t attend our favorite sports event to fill it. We can’t attend a yoga class, teach a karate class or indulge in retail therapy. There’s a recalibration going on. The fear of losing that which we think that we need has gripped us. Instead we are having to “take every thought captive” and make the effort to fix our thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable – for sheer preservation.
Hope is certainly not found where we as a people have been accustomed to look. None of the things I mention above are bad. They do, however, have one thing in common. They’re all temporary. Deep down inside, we’ve always known this. Yet we persist in turning to them at the onset. It’s where we place them in our lives that has been exposed. There’s only one who is forever.
Did God do this?
No.
We tend to blame God when we don’t understand why something happened. We remember that he is all powerful but forget that he is all good. Then we question how can he be all good if he is all powerful yet does nothing to stop it. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. James 1:13
He is doing something.
So why did it happen?
However this came about, it happened because death entered our world through free will. Our world was created without blemish. It was created perfect…like a paradise. God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. ~ Genesis 1:31
Because death exists is why Jesus said, “You will have suffering in this world.” John 16:33 He didn’t say you might have suffering. He said you will. He also said he would never leave your side as you walk through it. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6
So…what is He doing?
He’s removing all distractions and taking all the pain, suffering, and fears and asking you to talk to him about them. He’s saying “I am here.” And removing all of the things that we have substituted for a relationship with him. It’s ok to question. It’s ok to scream, yell, whatever. He’s been around for a while so He can take it. He just wants you to talk to Him. Intentionally. Out loud. He’s not using fear to do it. He’s reaching out to you through the fear that you may be feeling. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7
And I’m convinced that this virus is feeding off of fear.
Quarantine doesn’t have to be physical. It can be emotional. Somebody hurt you. Someone betrayed you. Someone abandoned you. There’s good chance that someone who hurt you called themselves a Christian. If that’s so, on their behalf. I apologize. Know that because of free will that person’s action does not automatically match the nature of God. We make our own choices.
I may be in quarantine but my spirit is free. There are two things that God has been getting me to grab a hold of and those are: a. He loves me (and you) b. I (You) should lean on him and cast all of my fears at his feet. He loved ALL the world so those two lessons do not apply only to me. And because I’ve been blessed to have all of this free time, God has been faithful to respond to my call for answers on many questions through the study of his word, teachings, books and faithful and encouraging friends. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
His love response is not exclusive to me. He’s reaching out to you.
Everything has changed. But that’s ok. It wasn’t working anyway. And I won’t be in quarantine forever. But you can get out of yours now. For God so loved the world (that means everybody) that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
You don’t have to go to a church building to start talking to God.
P.S. I’m not a fan of the word, “fans” so I’ll address this to the friends who have supported my work. I’ll admit, it’s been tough to write during the illness. But I’ll be back behind my desk in no time. I love you all. To the friends that have encouraged and supported and prayed for us, THANK YOU!!
Mucho love,
~L